My Midlife Boudoir Fantasy

Before I even started to craft this blog and share my experience, I was already thinking what people in my circle would think of me. I could picture my family’s complete surprise and disapproval when they see my boudoir photos. It’s a presumptuous act of indecency for someone brought up in a conservative family and society. Some will wonder why would a middle-aged woman, and a mother, pursue this foolish attempt, instead of minding her age and embracing modesty. But let me clarify, this has not been an easy decision nor was it an irrational move. I am fully aware of my cultural upbringing and respect for one’s virtues. And like every woman, I too question the integrity of personal behaviour in respect to physical age. On the other hand, I never fathomed the social and cultural limitations imposed on me only because of my gender. But now, I won’t accept social constraints placed on women my age or older. These boundaries cripple the desire to be happy, feel youthful, vivacious and confident.

Female classification

I’ve been fortunate to live in two opposite worlds and cultures; one of which was bound by religious traditions and old world values; while the other evangelized the notion of “freedom of expression” and modernity. However, regardless of where we live, women endure tremendous gender bias and discrimination. For women my age and older, femininity and sensuality were taboos, not worthy of honor nor praise regardless of age. A woman who displayed delicacy or sensuality was misinterpreted and labeled as a sexual object, a Jezebel. On the other hand, a woman who neglected to adhere to the acceptable patterns of womanhood, was tagged as a tomboy, rough, and manly. It seemed regardless of where we lived and how we behaved, we all faced bias and nepotism because we were simply women.

Celebrate femininity

Today, we are empowered to speak up and wear womanhood with pride and confidence. We come across young inspiring women (and men) who break social and cultural boundaries for the sake of equality and personal freedom. In some parts of the world, middle-aged women, more so than ever, are defying social expectations and cultural limitations. And, we resist being ashamed of the bodies and defy the DNA code result (female). Many women over 40 celebrate aging by sharing and flaunting what Mother Nature gave them. We are empowering each other in business, career growth, social responsibility and self-acceptance. Women are realizing more than ever the importance of self-love, and coming to terms with their physical appearance. And that’s why Boudoir photography is becoming a popular trend with many young and older women. It’s a gift we offer to ourselves and our partners as a reminder of how beautiful the body is in a tasteful and sensual way.

Defy doubt

Boudoir photography is something I’ve fantasized about for some time. Like many women, I love looking at photos of famous female celebrities posing in seductive ways. Women like Marilyn Monroe, Madonna and Jennifer Lopez are idols we hoped to look like. When looking at their pictures or videos, we admire their strength of character and confidence to pose in front of the camera and show their curves!

But as much as we love to fantasize about being in their shoes, even for just a brief moment, we still lack the bravery to follow in their steps. It takes lots of guts to strip down in front of the camera and model in a lustful way. We habitually start to feel insecure about certain parts of our bodies we don’t like. And, we are afraid to show our imperfections on camera or in front of a stranger. Our common insecurities tell us we’re too fat or too old; we have cellulite on our thighs, butts and bellies; our skin is loose and carved with stretch marks. As well, some of us are bound by cultural and religious convictions, whispering guilt and shame within our subconscious. As mature women, it is odd for most of us, yet the idea of feeling beautiful and desirable is exciting. And, let’s be honest, it’s so liberating to break the rules and be naughty sometimes, especially if it’s done in secrecy and “behind the curtain”.

The gracious boudoir photographer

Being mischievous requires finding a trusted partner, and when signing up for a boudoir session, we seek someone who is comforting and assuring. A good photographer should make us feel comfortable in our own skin. She should be a good listener and sensitive to our self-doubts. She should be encouraging and inspiring, and in my case, I am more comfortable working with a female photographer who can meet my expectations and vision. I wanted the photos to be more suggestive than racy; and I didn’t want any nudity. The good thing about a professional photographer is her ability to work with limitations rather than infinite possibilities. There always seems to be an artistic result when working with few options and restrictions. But most importantly, working with a female seemed more empowering as a woman. We can relate to each other and understand our fears and desires to look beautiful and feminine. This experience should be as considerate as we want it to be!

Strike a pose

This year, I decided to give boudoir photography a shot and fulfil this fantasy. I wanted to see what it was like to proceed with this experience, how the photos would turn out and what my hubby would think of them. When I first told him about boudoir, he was hesitant about my decision to share the photos in public, but I assured him they’d be professionally and tastefully done. The photographer was enthusiastic about my idea to do a themed photo-shoot for Father’s Day! Knowing how much he enjoyed his favourite beer, I decided to go with a gift that combined boudoir and beer. Since he liked Northern Superior beer, we did both an indoor intimate session and an outdoor session at a conservation area that backs onto our house. After all, it has been our favourite hiking trail for over 10 years now.

It was truly a fun experience for me, a middle-aged woman in her 40s who was brought up in a strict Catholic family from the Middle East. But honestly, as much as I loved the experience and felt brave, naughty and fierce, I still speculate the reaction of everyone who sees the photos. What will they think of me? And when that tiny voice inside my head starts to guilt me, I smile and tell it to get lost. I’m old enough to be right, to be daring and to feel heroic. So ladies, it does not matter how you look, or how old you are. What matters is making fantasies come true!